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Millions of Lies Go Unspread As Facebook, Instagram Go down

2021-10-04

San Francisco, CA - A massive outage has hit Facebook-owned social networks and caused hours of downtime for the social media giant. On Twitter, John Graham-Cumming, the CTO for Cloudflare said the problem was likely with Facebook’s authoritative DNS servers, which were not letting people connect to its sites like Instagram and WhatsApp. About five minutes before Facebook's DNS stopped working we saw a large number of BGP changes (mostly route withdrawals) for Facebook's ASN. @jgrahmc Outages… read more 🏃‍♀️

Airbnb Rebrands To AirbnFee

2021-07-06

San Francisco, CA - Airbnb, the online vacation rental marketplace, has announced that it will be rebranding to AirbnFee. The change comes right as semi-local summer travel in the US is rebounding with a frenzy. AirbnFee Brian Chesky announced the change in a company blog post, saying "Airbnb has come a long ways over the last decade. We've had to reinvent ourselves time and time again. As we move past the pandemic and further into a new decade, we felt it was time to evolve our image and brand… read more 🏃‍♀️

HBO Announces Integration Test Email Season 2

2021-06-17

New York, NY - HBO has announced a second season of "Integration Test Email #1" after just hours after the release of the first season. The launch of the show immediately lit up social media and went viral. HBO subscribers everywhere took to Twitter, Facebook, and other sites to sing the praises of the show as well as its creators. A spokesperson for HBO said that Peter Jackson was set to direct season two and the budget will likely be "somewhere between $1 and $2 billion". read more 🏃‍♀️

Satya Nadella Finds IE11's Last Horcrux, Plans to Destroy It Later This Year

2021-05-31

Redmond, WA - Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella recently made public a major development related to Internet Explorer 11. In a stunning reveal, he announced that he had found the browser's last horcrux and planned to destroy it later this year on August 17, 2021. Mr. Nadella held a widely-covered press conference and had this to say: "After a long and storied battle to eliminate the scourge of a browser from widespread use, we finally did it. Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. We found the last horcrux… read more 🏃‍♀️

Jeff Bezos Chosen as Next James Bond Following MGM Acquisition

2021-05-26

Seattle, WA - Amazon is buying MGM for $8.45 billion, and with it co-ownership of the James Bond movie franchise. The deal was announced as many tech and media companies look to beef up their media libraries in the so-called "streaming wars". Netflix, Disney, and others have raced to launch or acquire original content while leveraging existing popular franchises to gain viewership. Although the acquisition was widely-rumored within Hollywood, at least one part of the final deal was a total… read more 🏃‍♀️

Bitcoin Moves to Proof-of-Steak

2021-05-24

Core engineers and leaders working in the Bitcoin community have reached an accord to transition to a "proof of steak" model for mining the cryptocurrency, sources say. The change comes after a massive unwinding that erased nearly $1 trillion across cryptocurrency markets last week. It's also thought to be in response to a common critique of Bitcoin and similar cryptocurrencies: massive energy inefficiency due to the intense energy needed for proof-of-work mining. We were able to get in touch… read more 🏃‍♀️

CDC says Fully Vaccinated Engineers Can Forgo Unit Tests, Push Straight to Production

2021-05-13

(Washington, D.C.) - The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) released new guidance on Thursday for fully vaccinated Americans, saying they can mostly stop mask-wearing and social distancing. In a surprising move, the guidance also included specific new suggestions for software engineers, including: no longer need to write unit, integration, or tests of any kind can now push straight to production environments, especially on Friday after 5PM no longer need to index databases point user stories… read more 🏃‍♀️

Basecamp To Rebrand as Bonfire

2021-04-30

(Chicago, IL) - Basecamp is rebranding as "Bonfire" following a tumultuous few weeks for the company. CEO Jason Fried recently outlined a new policy and company philosophy in a much-discussed blog post that banned “societal and political discussions” within the company. Amidst the drama, it appears Basecamp has also decided to rebrand itself as "Bonfire". David Heinemeier Hansson, known colloquially as "DHH", released a brief statement: "It is what it is." The reasons for the rebranding were… read more 🏃‍♀️

Coinbase Makes Desperate Plea for Fiat Currency

2021-04-14

(Wall Street, New York) Coinbase is asking the public to help it acquire hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars of fiat currency in USD today. The bold move comes via a direct listing on the NASDAQ stock exchange and just as Bitcoin and other popular cryptocurrencies have experienced a wave of enormous interest and all-time-high prices. Many thought Coinbase would choose to avoid an IPO or direct listing, given popular and pervading views on the future of money within the cryptocurrency… read more 🏃‍♀️

Suez Canal Adds Bumper Rails, to Deploy Clifford the Big Red Dog

2021-03-27

(Suez, Egypt) The ship is still very much stuck. That ship, the Ever Given, is a massively-large container vessel traversing the Suez Canal in Egypt. At time of writing, the ship has been stuck for 4 days, 13 hours and 2 minutes and has created roughly $44 billion in global trade costs, according to istheshipstillstuck.com. The ship lost power while traversing the Suez canal and embedded into one of the banks of the canal, blocking one of the busiest waterways in the world. Many other container… read more 🏃‍♀️

GameStop To Offer Stock Trade-In Program

2021-01-28

(Grapevine, TX) - GameStop has been making headlines in and out of the financial markets over the past week after its stock price was sent soaring by retail traders. The stock was trading at the $15-$20 level as recently as late 2020, but has hit recent highs of a staggering $469. The stock event briefly became the largest component of the Russell 2000 index. The company has been relatively quiet, likely trying to watch things play out and to not to jinx their incredible good luck. But after a… read more 🏃‍♀️

Robinhood to Re-brand as Sheriff of Nottingham Capital, LLC

2021-01-28

(Menlo Park, CA) - Robinhood has made headlines throughout the Covid-19 pandemic as the trading app that millions of retail traders turned to to invest their extra time and money. New investors became day-traders using Robinhood and congregated on a variety of online forums, the Reddit subreddit r/wallstreetbets being the most notable. Fortunes were made and lost more than a few times, usually with stunning levels of risk-taking and openness. Robinhood has made it more difficult or impossible to… read more 🏃‍♀️

President Biden Invokes Meme Defense Production Act

2021-01-22

(Washington, D.C.) — A flurry of changes and executive actions have defined the the first few days of the Biden presidency. The new administration faces simultaneous financial, domestic, and economic crises. Amidst a series of executive orders targeting these crises and other policy areas, the administration has started leveraging a little-known piece of legislation: the Meme Defense Production Act. This act, proposed on Reddit and ratified on Twitter, allows the governement to leverage vast… read more 🏃‍♀️

Tesla Launches Model X-Æ-A-12

2020-05-05

(Palo Alto, CA) - Tesla launched a new model last night - the Model X-Æ-A-12. Elon Musk delivered the news yesterday via Twitter in place of a usual press event. Tesla has been a lightning rod of sorts within the tech and auto industries for the past few years and the new model is sure to continue that trend. This launch was different than past unveilings, which have often grabbed national attention due to their bombastic nature. Tesla's Cybertruck unveiling late last year, for instance, was… read more 🏃‍♀️

WeWork to Accept Oil Barrels As Tenants

2020-04-20

(United States) - Markets and companies are facing fresh uncertainty and volatility as the price of oil plummeted below $0 today. But some companies are looking for a silver lining. WeWork , erstwhile darling of Silicon Valley, is working hard to help ease the part it played in SoftBank's $24 million billion loss by accepting oil barrels as tenants. "We are very excited to welcome our new tenants from West Texas to spaces across the country. We've prepared everything for them to be as… read more 🏃‍♀️

Zoom To Launch Streaming Service

2020-04-04

(San Jose, CA) - Video conferencing software company Zoom is apparently looking for new worlds to conquer. After completely dominating the video conferencing space, the company has announced that it will be launching an online-only streaming service focusing on "real world content", dubbed 'unencrypted.tv'. A spokesperson from the company said that "you should expect to see a wide variety of content at launch, ranging from business-oriented behind-the-scenes to families bonding during quarantine… read more 🏃‍♀️

Zoom Wins 'Malware Of The Year' Award for March 2020

2020-04-02

(San Jose, CA) - Video conferencing software company Zoom has seen a massive surge in popularity with the Covid-19 pandemic as many workers embrace social distancing and work remotely. Just how big that surge is now clear: "March this year, we reached more than 200 million daily meeting participants, both free and paid. We have been working around the clock to ensure that all of our users – new and old, large and small – can stay in touch and operational." Zoom is widely regarded as a best-of… read more 🏃‍♀️

Google Lays Off 50% of Staff as April Fools' Day Cancelled

2020-04-01

(Mountain View, CA) - Google was compelled to lay off around 10% of it's staff today after the official cancellation of April Fools' Day this year. WIth national and international morale at a low due to the Covid-19 pandemic, there was little appetite for the usual pranks and jokes this year. "We've had to lay off our entire Hijinks, Malarkey, Shenanigans, and Tomfoolery departments, comprising roughly half our headcount. This is devastating. Fortunately, other departments including Search (… read more 🏃‍♀️

1700 Google Actually Engineers Working on New Chat App, Not Covid-19 website, Company says

2020-03-15

(Mountain View, CA) - President Trump announced that 1700 Google engineers were hard at work on a website to help with the Covid-19 pandemic as part of an address last Friday, March 13th. Google has since announced that, contrary to what President Trump noted, that only 17 engineers were working on the site (Verily). The spokesperson did, however, confirm that there were indeed 1700 engineers dedicated to it's next messaging/video chat service. "We feel we've allocated our resources… read more 🏃‍♀️

Undefined Actually Function, Rules TC-39

2020-03-15

In a groundbreaking ruling, TC-39 has declared that undefined is a function after all. JavaScript aficionados across the world were stunned by the ruling. The question had been unexpectedly placed on the high court's docket early last fall. Most expected it to be passed over for consideration, as TC-39 has traditionally considered the the question "settled specification". For years, developers have faced down the taunting text "undefined is not a function" in their consoles. Almost no one… read more 🏃‍♀️

Google Engineers Haven't Eaten, Slept in Days Without Nap pods or Snacks

2019-05-04

(Mountain View, CA) - Google, Facebook, and Microsoft engineers and employees working from home are finding it hard to eat and find sleep after finding they couldn't take home their nap-pods or micro-kitchens. Amazon engineers, however, were faring better after being instructed to "use your front door as a desk" and "spend as much money as possible at Whole Foods". "There's usually more...food....and housing...I just...where is my free latte." — Sleep Deprived Software engineer read more 🏃‍♀️

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