Airbnb IPO Shares to Include 'Cleaning Fee'

(San Francisco, CA) - 2020 has been an interesting year for tech IPOs. Many would have expected a complete or near-complete freeze in companies going public with the pandemic ravaging global markets. Yet in true 2020 fashion, the opposite has happened: a flurry of hot companies have gone public this year, ranging from Snowflake to Palantir to Unity. And they're not done: longtime 🦄 unicorn 🦄 Airbnb is also expected to list before the year is out. But Airbnb's debut to the public markets will feature a twist: a $55 "cleaning fee" will be attached to all shares. Shocked investors will be surpised to find that the $65 shares they were looking at will actually be $120 per share at the end of… Read more


Oracle Migration to Austin to Take Place Over Next 100 Years

(San Francisco, CA) - Another longtime corporate resident of the San Francisco Bay Area is leaving town. Oracle, maker of acronym-based software (CRM, ERP, HCM, SCM, and more) as well as database technology is pulling up roots and moving to Austin…


Facebook to Acquire 48 States, FTC

(Menlo Park, CA) - The U.S. government and 48 state attorneys general filed wide-ranging antitrust lawsuits against Facebook on Wednesday, arguing for the breakup of the social-networking giant anti-competitive practices. The legal move has been…


Thousands of 'Smaller, More Scalable' Microliths Appear Around the World

(USA) - The year 2020 hasn't been dull; if anything, it has been increasingly full of surprises. In the latest strange turn of events, a number of large metal monoliths have appeared across the globe in remote places. The sightings have ranged from…


Coinbase Employees Completely Unaware of Election

(San Francisco, CA) - For many workers, today (the day after Election Day), was a difficult day productivity-wise. Many vote totals are stilling counted in key states at time of writing. People everywhere are turning to Twitter and other social media…


Google Lays Off 50% of Staff as April Fools' Day Cancelled

(Mountain View, CA) - Google was compelled to lay off around 10% of it's staff today after the official cancellation of April Fools' Day this year. WIth national and international morale at a low due to the Covid-19 pandemic, there was little…


Investigation Finds Docker Desktop Just Distributed Cryptomining System

A recent investigation has revealed that the Docker desktop application is really just a massively distributed system for bitcoin mining. An engineer frustrated by rapid battery depletion took a deeper look into why Docker was taking so much energy…

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AWS Close To Running Out of Service Names

(Seattle, WA) - Sources inside Amazon Web Services (AWS) tell us that they are "close, even dangerously close" to running out of obscure names for upcoming web services. "Our obscure name generator service, Fable is reaching the limits of what it can…

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Software Full, No Longer Eating World (For Now)

(Sand Hill Road, Menlo Park, CA) - A new report from Andressen Horowitz (a16z) reveals that Software is full and taking a break from eating the world, for now at least. "Marc (Andressen) was able to get in touch with Software and confirmed that it…

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Microsoft, Oracle, other Tech CEOs Forced to Pitch TikTok Using TikTok

(Seattle, WA) - Sources inside Microsoft and other companies currently vying for TikTok have revealed that unusual negotation requirements are being placed on bidders. TikTok has required the CEOs of Microsoft, Oracle, Walmart, and any other…

AWS Launches AWS Monopoly: Antitrust Avoidance as-a-Service

(Seattle, WA) - Sources inside Amazon Web Services (AWS) tell us that AWS has launched a new service: Monopoly. AWS Monopoly is focused on rapidly deploying resources to fight antitrust probes and other investigations of anticompetitive behavior. The…

Bill Gates: My Biggest Regret 'Not Using Windows for Global Takeover When I had the Chance'

(Medina, WA) Bill Gates has been in and out of national news for the past few months as a champion of a scientific, data-driven approach to dealing with the Covid-19 pandemic. He recently took part in a longer retrospective interview with unicorn…

Tesla Launches Model X-Æ-A-12

(Palo Alto, CA) - Tesla launched a new model last night - the Model X-Æ-A-12. Elon Musk delivered the news yesterday via Twitter in place of a usual press event. Tesla has been a lightning rod of sorts within the tech and auto industries for the past…

Apple Says It Time to Start Using 'Summer' Side of MacBook Pro For Charging

(Cuptertino, CA) - Apple is recommending that all MacBook Pro users switch to the right, or 'Summer' side of their MacBook Pro when charging. This is after users reported signficantly higher CPU usage and higher temperatures when charging their…

WeWork to Accept Oil Barrels As Tenants

(United States) - Markets and companies are facing fresh uncertainty and volatility as the price of oil plummeted below $0 today. But some companies are looking for a silver lining. WeWork , erstwhile darling of Silicon Valley, is working hard to…

Zoom To Launch Streaming Service

(San Jose, CA) - Video conferencing software company Zoom is apparently looking for new worlds to conquer. After completely dominating the video conferencing space, the company has announced that it will be launching an online-only streaming service…

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