tech

Coinbase Employees Completely Unaware of Election

(San Francisco, CA) - For many workers, today (the day after Election Day), was a difficult day productivity-wise. Many vote totals are stilling counted in key states at time of writing. People everywhere are turning to Twitter and other social media to keep up with electron updates that don't slown down for working hours. Not so, however, at Coinbase. This Election Day 2020 may have stretched into that Wednesday, but Coinbase employees are totally unwaware, completely focused on their work. Back in, September, Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong wrote about a new direction Coinbase was taking with regards to social & political causes that strongly discourge employee politcal engagement of any kind… Read more

hardware

Apple Says It Time to Start Using 'Summer' Side of MacBook Pro For Charging

(Cuptertino, CA) - Apple is recommending that all MacBook Pro users switch to the right, or 'Summer' side of their MacBook Pro when charging. This is after users reported signficantly higher CPU usage and higher temperatures when charging their…

national news

WeWork to Accept Oil Barrels As Tenants

(United States) - Markets and companies are facing fresh uncertainty and volatility as the price of oil plummeted below $0 today. But some companies are looking for a silver lining. WeWork , erstwhile darling of Silicon Valley, is working hard to…

national news

Zoom To Launch Streaming Service

(San Jose, CA) - Video conferencing software company Zoom is apparently looking for new worlds to conquer. After completely dominating the video conferencing space, the company has announced that it will be launching an online-only streaming service…

national news

Zoom Wins 'Malware Of The Year' Award for March 2020

(San Jose, CA) - Video conferencing software company Zoom has seen a massive surge in popularity with the Covid-19 pandemic as many workers embrace social distancing and work remotely. Just how big that surge is now clear: "March this year, we…

cloud computing

AWS Launches Mimic: Open-Source Ripoff As-A-Service

(Seattle, WA) - Sources inside Amazon Web Services (AWS) tell us that AWS is in the process of gearing up to launch a new service: Mimic. Focused on rapidly copying open-source projects and spinning up competitive services, Mimic started as an…

national news

Google Lays Off 50% of Staff as April Fools' Day Cancelled

(Mountain View, CA) - Google was compelled to lay off around 10% of it's staff today after the official cancellation of April Fools' Day this year. WIth national and international morale at a low due to the Covid-19 pandemic, there was little…

cryptocurrency

Investigation Finds Docker Desktop Just Distributed Cryptomining System

A recent investigation has revealed that the Docker desktop application is really just a massively distributed system for bitcoin mining. An engineer frustrated by rapid battery depletion took a deeper look into why Docker was taking so much energy…

cloud computing

AWS Close To Running Out of Service Names

(Seattle, WA) - Sources inside Amazon Web Services (AWS) tell us that they are "close, even dangerously close" to running out of obscure names for upcoming web services. "Our obscure name generator service, Fable is reaching the limits of what it can…

vc beat

Software Full, No Longer Eating World (For Now)

(Sand Hill Road, Menlo Park, CA) - A new report from Andressen Horowitz (a16z) reveals that Software is full and taking a break from eating the world, for now at least. "Marc (Andressen) was able to get in touch with Software and confirmed that it…

people

10-ex Engineer Discovers Incredible Job Search Loophole

(San Francisco, CA) - Local software engineer Chad Bosworth has reported a remarkable turn of luck in his most recent job search. Chad was recently terminated for purported "lack of cultural fit" and has been searching for a new job as a software…

national news

1700 Google Actually Engineers Working on New Chat App, Not Covid-19 website, Company says

(Mountain View, CA) - President Trump announced that 1700 Google engineers were hard at work on a website to help with the Covid-19 pandemic as part of an address last Friday, March 13th. Google has since announced that, contrary to what President…

vc beat

VC Firms Unsuccessfully Trying To Meet With Founder of Viral Startup

(Sand Hill Road, Menlo Park, CA) - Venture capitial firms throughout the Bay Area have been trying unsuccessfully to get in touch with the founder of Covid-19, noting it's explosive growth and ability to quickly launch in different areas around the…

national news

Undefined Actually Function, Rules TC-39

In a groundbreaking ruling, TC-39 has declared that undefined is a function after all. JavaScript aficionados across the world were stunned by the ruling. The question had been unexpectedly placed on the high court's docket early last fall. Most…

local news

Google Engineers Haven't Eaten, Slept in Days Without Nap pods or Snacks

(Mountain View, CA) - Google, Facebook, and Microsoft engineers and employees working from home are finding it hard to eat and find sleep after finding they couldn't take home their nap-pods or micro-kitchens. Amazon engineers, however, were faring…

The Latest

Amazon Launches Ring Security Prime

(Seattle, WA) - Amazon launched a slew of new products as part of its fall hardware event on September 24, including expansions of the Echo, Eero, and Ring product lines. Spherical speakers, an Echo Show with a front-facing camera, and Eero routers…

Oracle Launches TikTok Enterprise Edition

(San Francisco, CA) - Sources familiar with the matter have confirmed that Oracle has succesfully beaten back Microsoft, Walmart, and others to secure the buyout of US operations for TikTok. Oracle's victory came as a surprise to many, especially…

Microsoft, Oracle, other Tech CEOs Forced to Pitch TikTok Using TikTok

(Seattle, WA) - Sources inside Microsoft and other companies currently vying for TikTok have revealed that unusual negotation requirements are being placed on bidders. TikTok has required the CEOs of Microsoft, Oracle, Walmart, and any other…

AWS Launches AWS Monopoly: Antitrust Avoidance as-a-Service

(Seattle, WA) - Sources inside Amazon Web Services (AWS) tell us that AWS has launched a new service: Monopoly. AWS Monopoly is focused on rapidly deploying resources to fight antitrust probes and other investigations of anticompetitive behavior. The…

Bill Gates: My Biggest Regret 'Not Using Windows for Global Takeover When I had the Chance'

(Medina, WA) Bill Gates has been in and out of national news for the past few months as a champion of a scientific, data-driven approach to dealing with the Covid-19 pandemic. He recently took part in a longer retrospective interview with unicorn…

Tesla Launches Model X-Æ-A-12

(Palo Alto, CA) - Tesla launched a new model last night - the Model X-Æ-A-12. Elon Musk delivered the news yesterday via Twitter in place of a usual press event. Tesla has been a lightning rod of sorts within the tech and auto industries for the past…

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