Satya Nadella Finds IE11's Last Horcrux, Plans to Destroy It Later This Year


Redmond, WA - Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella recently made public a major development related to Internet Explorer 11. In a stunning reveal, he announced that he had found the browser's last horcrux and planned to destroy it later this year on August 17, 2021. Mr. Nadella held a widely-covered press conference and had this to say: "After a long and storied battle to eliminate the scourge of a browser from widespread use, we finally did it. Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. We found the last horcrux hidden deep within quirks mode. It was a subtle CSS bug that could only be resolved when it was Wednesday and !important was used in all CSS properties. We are incredibly excited about this major… read more 🏃‍♀️

Jeff Bezos Chosen as Next James Bond Following MGM Acquisition


Seattle, WA - Amazon is buying MGM for $8.45 billion, and with it co-ownership of the James Bond movie franchise. The deal was announced as many tech and media companies look to beef up their media libraries in the so-called "streaming wars". Netflix, Disney, and others have raced to launch or acquire original content while leveraging existing popular franchises to gain viewership. Although the acquisition was widely-rumored within Hollywood, at least one part of the final deal was a total surprise: Jeff Bezos will be the next James Bond. The provision, buried deep within the larger deal, was surfaced and confirmed by the incredible 🦄 investigative team. Section 1039… read more 🏃‍♀️

Bitcoin Moves to Proof-of-Steak


Core engineers and leaders working in the Bitcoin community have reached an accord to transition to a "proof of steak" model for mining the cryptocurrency, sources say. The change comes after a massive unwinding that erased nearly $1 trillion across cryptocurrency markets last week. It's also thought to be in response to a common critique of Bitcoin and similar cryptocurrencies: massive energy inefficiency due to the intense energy needed for proof-of-work mining. We were able to get in touch with Satoshi Nakamoto, a cryptocurrency hobbyist, to help us better explain the change and what it means for markets: "Really what's happening here is that Elon Musk caught us red-handed. He's totally… read more 🏃‍♀️

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