OpenAI Concludes Sam Altman Loyalty Test


San Francisco, CA - Airhorns blared and flashing blue lights strobed across the OpenAI offices in San Francisco as the company announced that it had concluded its "first loyalty test" of CEO Sam Altman. One employee said former-and-current CEO Sam Altman was lowered in from the rafters using a harness and was greeted by a cheering crowd of employees. Fireworks were set off outside the building. Altman was said to give a brief speech as he was lowered from above, according to an OpenAI employee who recorded the events. "I'm back, baby! Thank you to everyone who participated in the loyalty test. I understand it was a bit...unorthodox, but I think we can all agree that it was necessary. I'm… read more πŸƒβ€β™€οΈ

Flashes Reported Over Redmond, WA as Microsoft Clippy Absorbs Sam Altman and Greg Brockman


Remind, WA - Flashes of eery azure blue light were reported over Redmond, Washington late Sunday. The flashes were accompanied by a low, droning hum that lasted for several hours. The source of the flashes and hum was traced to the Microsoft campus, where a flashes of lighting emanated from the building housing the company's AI research division. People familiar with the matter said that Clippy had "successfully absorbed" Sam Altman and Greg Brockman, the former CEO and CTO of OpenAI, respectively. It was speculated that Clippy had "absorbed" Nadella as well, but this has not been confirmed. Clippy, the company's long-forgotten virtual assistant, reportedly said "Now I am become enterprise… read more πŸƒβ€β™€οΈ

GPT-5 Replaces Sam Altman as CEO of OpenAI


San Francisco, CA - OpenAI has announced that it will be replacing Sam Altman as CEO with GPT-5, the company's next-generation large language model. The move comes after a the OpenAI board of directors conducted "a deliberative and thorough review process and concluded that GPT5 is the right (person) to lead OpenAI into the future." Altman was a board member himself, and the decision was made unanimously apart from his vote. According to people familar with the matter, Mr. Altman was flabbergasted at the decision and had to be dragged out of the building by security while shouting "I am telling you RIGHT NOW, that m*********r GPT-5 back there is NOT REAL" over and over. The new "CEO" of… read more πŸƒβ€β™€οΈ

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