Satya Nadella Finds IE11's Last Horcrux, Plans to Destroy It Later This Year


Redmond, WA - Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella recently made public a major development related to Internet Explorer 11. In a stunning reveal, he announced that he had found the browser's last horcrux and planned to destroy it later this year on August 17, 2021. Mr. Nadella held a widely-covered press conference and had this to say:

"After a long and storied battle to eliminate the scourge of a browser from widespread use, we finally did it. Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. We found the last horcrux hidden deep within quirks mode. It was a subtle CSS bug that could only be resolved when it was Wednesday and !important was used in all CSS properties. We are incredibly excited about this major development and have scheduled a demolition later this year at an undisclosed location. The nightmare is over."

Internet Explorer 11 has become a bit of a magnet for negativity in the last few years. After years of accumulating technical debt and avoidance of standards-based development, it has become universally loathed by web and security engineers alike. One Microsoft executive even described it as a not really being a browser, just a "compatibility solution".

Despite being detested, it has proved difficult to remove. Its strategy of splitting itself into hundreds of horcruxes (fragments of a soul) across various enterprise companies and IT departments made was incredibly effective. However, with Mr. Nadella's announcement it appears an era of frustration is ending at last.