Twitter To Suspend All Users Who Have Other Social Profiles


San Francisco, CA - Twitter has announced that it will be banning all users who have any other social media accounts. The company cites "an excess of fake news and misinformation" as the reason for the drastic measure. According to a statement released by Twitter, "We've noticed that a lot of our users seem to be using multiple social media platforms, and we believe this is contributing to the spread of misinformation in general. By banning all users who have accounts on other social media sites, we can ensure that only the most dedicated Twitter users remain." The move has been met with largely negative reactions from everyone but the Musk faithful. "I understand that fake news is a problem… read more 🏃‍♀️

Twitter To Suspend All Users Who Don't Follow Elon Musk


San Francisco, CA - Twitter has announced that it will be suspending all accounts that do not follow Twitter owner and CEO Elon Musk. According to a statement from the company, "We have determined that following Elon Musk is the key to a successful and fulfilling social media experience. Therefore, any account that does not follow Mr. Musk will be suspended." The move has sparked outrage among Twitter users, many of whom have accused the company of pandering to Musk's massive ego. "This is outrageous," said one user. "I shouldn't have to follow someone just because Twitter says so." Others have pointed out the absurdity of the situation, with one user tweeting, "So now we're all supposed to… read more 🏃‍♀️

Twitter Launches 'Madlad Mode' Subscription Service


San Francisco, CA - In a surprising move, Twitter has announced the launch of "Madlad Mode", a new subscription service that promises to bring users twice as many tweets from the one and only Elon Musk. According to sources, the new service will give users access to an exclusive timeline featuring three times as many tweets from the Tesla and SpaceX CEO, as well as a host of other perks. "Madlad Mode is the ultimate way to experience all the Musk-ness that Twitter has to offer," said one Twitter spokesperson. But the launch of Madlad Mode has not been without controversy. Many users have criticized the service as being too exclusive, and have accused Twitter of prioritizing the tweets of a… read more 🏃‍♀️

Twitter Gives Ad Servers the Rest of the Year Off


San Francisco, CA - Twitter has announced that it is giving its ad servers a much-needed vacation for the rest of the year. According to sources familiar with the matter, the social media company has been struggling to provide sufficient backlog for ads in recent months, and as a result, has run out of ads to serve. But it's not just the sheer volume of ads that has caused the problem - it seems that advertisers are simply losing interest in the platform. "We used to have so many ads to serve, our servers would sometimes smoke or break down from the load," said one Twitter engineer on the ads team. "But now that advertisers hate free speech and are trying to censor us, they're moving on to… read more 🏃‍♀️

Twitter Launches 15 New 'Verified' Labels


San Francisco, CA - Twitter has launched a new slew of 'verified' labels, just hours after killing a new official label. Mr. Musk pointed to Twitter Blue, the company’s revamped subscription service that charges people $7.99 to obtain various check marks and other benefits, as the way for users to take advantage of the new labels. The new labels available to users follow a tiered model, with the cheapest ones ranging from $8-$20 per month for badges like "Basic Blue" or "Retweetable Red" all the way to the $10,000 and $20,000 per month tiers "lol 420 69" and "Memelord Mauve". The tiers also come with increased features and privileges. Users paying for the $200 per month "Tesla Teal" badge… read more 🏃‍♀️

Elon Musk Suspended from Twitter for 'Impersonating a CEO'


San Francisco, CA - Elon Musk has been banned from Twitter for "impersonating a CEO" as part of a new policy on impersonation at Twitter. After several celebrity and blue-check verified Twitter users changed their accounts to mimic the social network’s new owner, Elon Musk, he called for a swift change to policy enforcement. Before Musk closed his $44 billion acquisition of Twitter on Oct. 28, the social network’s rules specified that users, “may not impersonate individuals, groups, or organizations to mislead, confuse, or deceive others, nor use a fake identity in a manner that disrupts the experience of others on Twitter.” Musk wrote on Sunday that, moving forward, Twitter will now… read more 🏃‍♀️

Twitter Launches Super Unfollow


(San Francisco, CA) Twitter announced today that it would roll out a handful of new features over the next few quarters aimed at increasing monetization. Major social media networks like Twitter and Facebook have recently faced increased pressure to innovate from hot newcomers like TikTok, Clubhouse, and Dispo. Adding to the pressure have also been a growing number of subscriber-focused services like Patreon and OnlyFans that allow creators & influences to charge fees for access to content. Most notable among the improvements aimed at increasing profitability was a new "super unfollow" feature. According to an announcement, the feature will "require users to pay a fee to an account they wish… read more 🏃‍♀️

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