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Oracle Launches TikTok Enterprise Edition

2020-09-13

(San Francisco, CA) - Sources familiar with the matter have confirmed that Oracle has succesfully beaten back Microsoft, Walmart, and others to secure the buyout of US operations for TikTok. Oracle's victory came as a surprise to many, especially given the reputations of the companies involved: one a slightly more modern IBM and the other a burgeoning beheamoth of a social network. It remains to be seen how the two companies will interact post-acquisition. Many commentators had written off the possibility of such a pairing, so thoughts on a possible playbook for the buyout are scarce. However, a potential sign of things to come has emerged with Oracle announcing they would be launching… read more 🏃‍♀️

Microsoft, Oracle, other Tech CEOs Forced to Pitch TikTok Using TikTok

2020-09-05

(Seattle, WA) - Sources inside Microsoft and other companies currently vying for TikTok have revealed that unusual negotation requirements are being placed on bidders. TikTok has required the CEOs of Microsoft, Oracle, Walmart, and any other interested parties to submit pitches using the TikTok app itself. Not just that, but apparently TikTok is also pitting the CEOs against each other in various social media competitions. These have included syncronized dance competitions, seeing who can get more followers in a day, and even a competition to who can more effectively apologize to followers for some untoward activity. "We really want to buy TikTok, but honestly it's almost too much at this… read more 🏃‍♀️

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