cloud computing

AWS Launches AWS Monopoly: Antitrust Avoidance as-a-Service

August 19, 2020

(Seattle, WA) - Sources inside Amazon Web Services (AWS) tell us that AWS has launched a new service: Monopoly. AWS Monopoly is focused on rapidly deploying resources to fight antitrust probes and other investigations of anticompetitive behavior. The service boasts a robust set of features, including the ability to activate specialized lobbying teams at a moments notice. Users can also activate lawyers on demand, billed by the second. Similar to the way AWS's EC2 service works, users are able to choose the tier and quality of a lawyer. Lawyer tiers range from the "L4 small" (lawyers with a middle-of-the-road academic pedigree & background) all the way up to the "L7 large" (general counsels for private equity firms).

AWS users can opt for an on-demand mode that is slightly pricier or a "reserved" mode where resources can be allocated for years at a time. Users that opt for the "prime" tier of AWS Monopoly can even activate AWS Monopoly Brainwave, a service that leverages Amazon Alexa to provide people with gentle daily reminders of how good a given company is.

"We're really proud of Monopoly. It's allowed us and other companies to effectively avoid gratuitous and lengthy probes into our completely legitimate business. We may be hypercompetitive, but are not anti-competitive. We just want whats best for our customers and to make every part of their lives better. Oh and the name of the service is just an homage to the board game, nothing else", said an Amazon spokesperson when reached for comment.

At time of writing, AWS Monopoly featured Apple, Google, Facebook, and Amazon as big-name users of the service.