national news

Tesla Launches Model X-Æ-A-12

May 05, 2020

(Palo Alto, CA) - Tesla launched a new model last night - the Model X-Æ-A-12. Elon Musk delivered the news yesterday via Twitter in place of a usual press event. Tesla has been a lightning rod of sorts within the tech and auto industries for the past few years and the new model is sure to continue that trend.

This launch was different than past unveilings, which have often grabbed national attention due to their bombastic nature. Tesla's Cybertruck unveiling late last year, for instance, was filled with a polarizingly-designed eletric truck as well as sanfu-ridden live demos.

Musk musk pulled out all the stops to make this year's launch a memorable one as holding a convential press event wasn't possible due to the global Covid-19 pandemic. Musk kicked off the launch by tanking Tesla's stock price via tweet and then announcing his plans to sell all his physical possessions. But the biggest surprise was that his girlfriend, Canadian singer and pop musician, closely collborated on the new model.

"We worked really closely on this new model, Grimes and I. I think she really played a significant role and I'm happy to announce that the Model X-Æ-A-12 is probably our best model ever. Also wanted to clear the air - haha - on my tweet from the other day: the Tesla stock price isn't high enough - Joe knows what I mean, haha," said Musk.

Sources close to Tesla said that the new Model X-Æ-A-12 has an extremely long development cycle and will probably be seen on roads sometime in the next 16-18 years. "We're really hoping that this model is nothing like it's predecessors - and I mean thatin the best way possible. We're...we're hopeful this latest model can be something totally different," said a Tesla executive who wished to remain anonymous.

At press time, sources at the SEC were said to be "very, very interested in meeting with Mr. Musk to congratulate him on the new launch, among other things."