national news

Tesla Launches Model X-Æ-A-12

2020-05-05

(Palo Alto, CA) - Tesla launched a new model last night - the Model X-Æ-A-12. Elon Musk delivered the news yesterday via Twitter in place of a usual press event. Tesla has been a lightning rod of sorts within the tech and auto industries for the past few years and the new model is sure to continue that trend. This launch was different than past unveilings, which have often grabbed national attention due to their bombastic nature. Tesla's Cybertruck unveiling late last year, for instance, was… read more 🏃‍♀️

WeWork to Accept Oil Barrels As Tenants

2020-04-20

(United States) - Markets and companies are facing fresh uncertainty and volatility as the price of oil plummeted below $0 today. But some companies are looking for a silver lining. WeWork , erstwhile darling of Silicon Valley, is working hard to help ease the part it played in SoftBank's $24 million billion loss by accepting oil barrels as tenants. "We are very excited to welcome our new tenants from West Texas to spaces across the country. We've prepared everything for them to be as… read more 🏃‍♀️

Zoom To Launch Streaming Service

2020-04-04

(San Jose, CA) - Video conferencing software company Zoom is apparently looking for new worlds to conquer. After completely dominating the video conferencing space, the company has announced that it will be launching an online-only streaming service focusing on "real world content", dubbed 'unencrypted.tv'. A spokesperson from the company said that "you should expect to see a wide variety of content at launch, ranging from business-oriented behind-the-scenes to families bonding during quarantine… read more 🏃‍♀️

Zoom Wins 'Malware Of The Year' Award for March 2020

2020-04-02

(San Jose, CA) - Video conferencing software company Zoom has seen a massive surge in popularity with the Covid-19 pandemic as many workers embrace social distancing and work remotely. Just how big that surge is now clear: "March this year, we reached more than 200 million daily meeting participants, both free and paid. We have been working around the clock to ensure that all of our users – new and old, large and small – can stay in touch and operational." Zoom is widely regarded as a best-of… read more 🏃‍♀️

Google Lays Off 50% of Staff as April Fools' Day Cancelled

2020-04-01

(Mountain View, CA) - Google was compelled to lay off around 10% of it's staff today after the official cancellation of April Fools' Day this year. WIth national and international morale at a low due to the Covid-19 pandemic, there was little appetite for the usual pranks and jokes this year. "We've had to lay off our entire Hijinks, Malarkey, Shenanigans, and Tomfoolery departments, comprising roughly half our headcount. This is devastating. Fortunately, other departments including Search (… read more 🏃‍♀️

1700 Google Actually Engineers Working on New Chat App, Not Covid-19 website, Company says

2020-03-15

(Mountain View, CA) - President Trump announced that 1700 Google engineers were hard at work on a website to help with the Covid-19 pandemic as part of an address last Friday, March 13th. Google has since announced that, contrary to what President Trump noted, that only 17 engineers were working on the site (Verily). The spokesperson did, however, confirm that there were indeed 1700 engineers dedicated to it's next messaging/video chat service. "We feel we've allocated our resources… read more 🏃‍♀️

Undefined Actually Function, Rules TC-39

2020-03-15

In a groundbreaking ruling, TC-39 has declared that undefined is a function after all. JavaScript aficionados across the world were stunned by the ruling. The question had been unexpectedly placed on the high court's docket early last fall. Most expected it to be passed over for consideration, as TC-39 has traditionally considered the the question "settled specification". For years, developers have faced down the taunting text "undefined is not a function" in their consoles. Almost no one… read more 🏃‍♀️

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